Game Night at the Avengers
by Blarrg
Summary: The Avengers gather for a game night. Rated T for language, alcohol use, and suggested slash. Co-authored with Hilsonplz kthxbai


A/N: Okay, a few notes before we start... Kurt's not an Avenger, he's just tagging along. He's 19, so no, Peter's wrong about pedos. Ummm... this obviously isn't their first game night, fear the randomness.

* * *

"Where's Bruce, anyway?" Kurt asked, dealing out the red Apples to Apples cards, "Peter said he was here last week."

Tony simply pointed up before picking up his cards.

Kurt looked up to where a huge gaping hole, covered by a tarp took, up a good portion of the living room, "Oh. That's where the breeze was coming from…"

"Why do you think we have game night at Tony's mansion?" Jessica asked, "He can actually afford repairs."

"Okay, who's judging first?" Peter asked.

"I will, I guess," Steve raised his hand. He drew a green card, "Okay… manly… masculine, virile, strong."

"Okay… basically like Logan then…" Kurt muttered.

Logan choked on his beer, "What'd you say?!"

"Nothing, nothing," Kurt flashed a cocky grin.

Logan growled and slapped down a card, "'S what I thought."

After about a minute, everyone had put down a card. Steve gathered them up, "Okay, we have motorcycles… truck stops… stunt people… NASCAR… giving a hug? Okay, and-"

"Real men give hugs!" Tony exclaimed.

Steve frowned, "And having a baby." Steve looked through the cards, deep in thought, "Well… apparently real men get pregnant. Who put that one?"

"I did," MJ crossed her arms. She looked pointedly at Peter before adding, "You try going through labor, tough guy."

"Okay! You win then," he handed her the 'manly' card, "and it's your turn to judge."

"So, the word is primitive… prehistoric, primal, uncivilized."

"Like the last card, then?" Jessica asked.

Kurt nodded.

Tony poured himself another drink while the others put out their cards. His card was sure to win, hands down.

"Bigfoot, cow-pies, leather… screeching? Sloppy Joes, and duct tape…"

"Oh crap, duct tape is like, automatic win!" Jessica sighed, resigning herself to defeat.

"Hmmm, yep…" MJ put the other cards face down, "I'd have to agree on that one." She picked up the green card and looked at the others, "Who-?"

Tony lunged forward suddenly and snatched the card from her. He settled back down in his spot and sipped at his drink.

"O-kay…" MJ said slowly, "Logan, it's your turn."

Logan grunted and drew a green card. He glanced at it before saying, "The word's American. If you don't know what it means, run for your life."

Jessica immediately slapped a card down, announcing, "Oh mah gawd, epic wincakes!"

Tony also threw a card down, "America is _made _of these!"

Once everyone put down a card, Logan picked them up and looked at them.

"Ninjas… right," he threw it down, "Whole world is full of cults… Road trips… Steak and potatoes. Eh, kinda German."

"No!" Kurt cried.

Logan ignored him, "Americans, so stereotypical. Canadians win," he threw the cards down.

Peter blinked and took the card, "Really? Sweet!"

"Whatever. Jess, you're next. Knock yourself out," Logan leaned back against the couch and took a gulp of beer.

Jessica drew a card, "Okay… disturbing, unsettling, troubling, worrisome."

In about a minute, everyone had a card down. Everyone except Logan, that is. He sat, shuffling through his cards with an intense look of concentration on his face.

Kurt touched his shoulder lightly, "Logan, everyone's already done…"

He growled and smacked down a card, nearly knocking over someone's beer.

"Ooo-kay…" Jessica ignored the show of… Logan-ness, "Infomercials, annoying but not disturbing. Tree huggers, splinters. Fast food, gross. Opera, yawn. Midlife crisis, yeah… Backstreet Boys just suck. Logan got it."

"Hey, I'm not having a crisis, girly!"

Peter grabbed the card, "That's mine, and now it's my turn… Cuddly, loving, tender, huggable."

"So not Logan!" Jessica laughed.

Logan glared at her, then Kurt after he got smacked in the back of the head with a tail.

"Verzeihung."

Peter sighed. Why did he even show up at these things?

"Peter!"

"Oh, yeah… Women… the real, non-pregnant men kind. Girlfriends, a honeymoon… Jack the Ripper? What the hell? Babies… and 'my body'."

"But Jack will cuddle you to death!" Steve protested.

"Adulterer!"

Kurt raised an eyebrow at Tony's outburst.

"Sorry, 'my body' wins."

Everyone stared as Logan took the card.

Peter gaped, "Wait, that was yours? Can I take back my answer?"

"Nope," Logan opened another beer.

Peter sighed, failing to notice Kurt's icy glare.

"Okay, my turn! It is… Miserable! Wretched, pitiful, and… uh… forlorn," Tony squinted, having trouble focusing on the card.

"Someone's tipsy," Jessica muttered, laying down a card.

Steve mimicked her, "He's been drinking quite a bit. Maybe we should take away the alcohol…"

Logan grunted, shaking his head, "If he wants to drink, let him."

"'Kay… Hangnails. I _hate _those! Waco, Texas… don't know, don't care… Mosquitoes… the Great Depression… New York City… Why? And Superman." Tony stopped, looking through the cards again, "Superman!"

Jessica took the card in silence. She was rather shocked he had picked her card.

Kurt shook his head, "Okay… Next. Feminine, womanly, ladylike, unmanly."

"Kurt!" Logan coughed.

Kurt was fortunate to be covered in fur. No one was able to see him blush beneath it.

Logan was once again the last to lay down a card after putting a _lot _of thought into it. He settled back against the couch as Kurt looked at the cards.

"Okay… Romeo and Juliet. Boyfriends. How are those feminine?"

MJ rolled her eyes but didn't comment.

Kurt continued, "Bonbons. A dozen red roses. Hmmm, more romantic than feminine. A sunrise, again more romantic. And… my first kiss?" he was so glad he was covered in fur, "Well, my first kiss was kinda… Uh, yeah, first kiss wins."

Logan grinned, "Thank you."

"Oh my god, my pedo senses are tingling!"

Mary Jane smacked Peter. His spidey senses didn't seem to be 'tingling'.

Steve sighed, "Alright, the word is sexy, arousing, appealing, seductive…"

"Kurt, control your tail!"

"Verzeihung."

Steve picked up the cards, "Okay, so we've got baking cookies… Oooh, whipped cream and chains, two extremes right there. My job? Okay, Peter, when did you become a stripper?

"Hey, I'm not a stripper!"

"Okay, a prostitute then, moving on. Frictions, always good. Who put the free card?"

"Steve's sexy body!" Tony shouted, hitting the table.

Everyone just stared.

Steve chuckled nervously, "Uhh, okay. I guess my body wins then."

"Hell yes it does!"

"Okay then, moving on. Horrifying. Tony when he's drunk. Work with it," MJ sat the card down.

Peter laid down his card and then asked seriously, "Am I the only straight guy here?"

No one bothered to answer.

"I should've figured as much…"

"Okay, we have daytime TV… it is pretty strange. Ghosts, men. That one's Peter's. My dreams… I don't want to know. Top of a… rollercoaster? What? And musicals…" MJ inhaled, "Whoever put down the rollercoaster one, care to explain?"

Tony hiccupped, "Those things're friggin' scary. An' then some kid barfs up cotton can'y. And a Coney dog! With mustard!"

"You were lookin'?" Logan asked.

"At what?"

"Forget it," MJ interrupted, "Tony, you win… just shut up."

"Yay…" Tony cheered weakly.

"My turn… Temperamental…"

"Logan!" Kurt and Jessica said in unison.

Logan glared, "I'll show you… never mind. Just lay down a card."

Everyone quickly laid down a card, not wanting to piss Logan off even more.

"Okay… Jack Nicholson. He was just crazy… Marriage, once again, just crazy. Whips… No comment. Men in Black. It's more like Men in White, but whatever. My bathroom, and a free card. God, not another one!" he glared at Tony.

"Oh, that's mine," Kurt leaned forward, "and it's… LOGAN!"

Logan's eye twitched, "You are so dead, fuzzball!"

"Wahh, Logan's threatening me! See how temperamental he is?"

"Alright, Kurt wins," Mary Jane quickly shoved the green card to him, "No fighting, Tony needs some house left."

Jessica was quick to draw a new card, "Irresistible, overpowering, overwhelming, compelling."

"Give me my tail back!"

Logan smirked, "But it's so _irresistible_."

"Pedo senses on fire!"

"Shut up! Jessica yelled, "Count Dracula, Elvis Presley, alien abductions… so true… PokeMon? My personality, my hair… Well, half of you are mental, so my hair wins."

"You can't resist the blue!" Kurt exclaimed, claiming his victory but failing to regain his tail.

Peter sighed, "The word is awkward. If you don't know, you obviously haven't been paying attention."

"Logan is doing awkward thing with my tail," Kurt whined.

Jessica giggled. Peter's brain melted.

"Ooo-kay… Before I run screaming from the perverts around this table…" Peter sighed, "Hair transplants, driving… off a cliff… dating any of you except MJ or she'll kill me, airline food, underwear? Aaaand… killer whales? Why killer whales?"

"Imagine this," Tony started.

"Oh God, no…"

"You're swimming, swimming, and bam!" he slapped the table, "Moby Dick kills you, the damn sniping whale! Seriously, where does a whale get a sniper rifle in the middle of Lake Michigan? Lake Superior my ass!"

"Man, you are so fucking hammered," Logan said.

Steve snatched the bottle of whiskey away from Tony, "You've had enough of this now."

"Okay. Tony, just because I don't want to hear your whining about Steve taking your alcohol, you win," Peter flung the card at the drunken billionaire, "Merry Christmas."

"Sweet! I've always wanted one of these…" He grabbed another card, "'Kay, touchy-feely… Let me demonstrate…"

Peter covered his eyes.

"Uh, it's alright Tony. We… We understand," MJ said quickly.

Logan was the first to throw a card out. He didn't want to think about it right now… Not after that whale thing.

"Uh… We got my love life… What love life? Vampires. Socks… Are they toe socks? 'Cause that'd be worse. Getting a hug. Black velvet… Oooh, nice. And pumping iron. Oooh, do I catch a second meaning there?"

Steve blushed, giving away that he had been the one to lay that card down.

"Steve wins 'cause he's sexy," Tony slurred.

Kurt drew another card, _very _glad that he was furry. Ah, such possibilities…

"Well, elf?"

He nodded, "Pedophilic."

MJ blinked.

"I got a free card, the word is pedophilic. Deal… And give me back my tail!"

Peter's head hit the table with a loud thud, along with his card.

"So, we've got 'my friends', carnival workers… I used to be in the Munich circus… Choir boys, Barney, Michael Jackson… and Batman."

"Oooh, those are good, though creepy," Jessica muttered to herself.

"My friends win because you could be friends with all of those people," Kurt nodded.

"Never met Michael, never plan on it!" Peter took the card nonetheless.

"Insane," Steve started.

"Like all of you!"

"Like Peter."

"I am not!"

"Wait, are you saying we're all pedos?" Kurt asked.

"No!" Peter sighed, "Let's just continue, please."

"The card is insane," Steve announced again, "like I said a while ago."

"Oh! That's what you meant."

"Duh," Logan growled.

Steve laughed and shook his head, "Okay. Outlet malls… Jelly beans? Whoever put jelly beans is insane. Flying monkeys. Family values. The far left. What?"

Peter pointed to his left, indicating Tony.

"Oh, okay. And feminists. Uh…" Steve scratched his head, "Peter wins that one."

Logan snorted.

Mary Jane laughed and read off the next card, "Exhausting, weakening, tiring, draining. And trying to understand Tony."

"Huh?" Tony looked up.

"Nothing, Stark," MJ sighed, "Everyone re-?"

"I think I'm getting sick!" Tony blurted out randomly, "I need a screwdriver. Vitamin C and shit, right?"

"Right. Can I continue?"

"Yeah…"

"Good, okay. Leaf… blowers… beach parties. That actually makes sense. Losing your job. Parenting," she glared at Peter, "My bedroom? And a free card."

"Oh," Kurt looked up from trying to get his tail back, "That's mine. Um… Dealing with Logan."

MJ blinked, "Okay." She tossed him the card.

Kurt reached for the card before jumping slightly. He glared at Logan, "That hurt!"

Logan held his hands up for all to see, "Don't look at me."

"You're crushing me! None of you understand the tail."

"I don't want to understand," Peter grumbled.

Logan drew a card, "Exciting, thrilling, breath-taking, arousing…"

Tony laughed, "Kurt and his tail."

Steve blinked, "You like tails?"

"I like yours!"

Peter… was covering his ears and chanting something about happy thoughts. MJ smacked him when Logan started reading the cards off.

"Indiana Jones, King Arthur, fireworks… Pro wrestling? Come on, who put that? Everyone knows it's rigged."

"Ha-ha, the tail is mine once more!"

"Not my fault you can't hold onto your tail by yourself. You'd think a kid your age would."

"Shut up and read the cards, Logan!"

"Sheesh, such a temperamental fuzzball," he grinned, continuing, "Pond scum, and handcuffs. Handcuffs win, hands down."

Kurt quickly grabbed the card, trying to ignore Logan's raised eyebrow. Thank God for blue fur!

"Ahem, well…" Jessica cleared her throat, "Now for something totally different, we have clean. It should be safe, Peter."

"You can't be sure, Jessica," Peter advised wisely, laying down a card.

"Good point. Okay, lollipops, going to Grandma's, scene of the crime? Going to the dentist. Doing the dishes, and sharks. Well… I suppose since they do live in the water and all…"

"It's like swimming in a toilet!" Tony declared, draping an arm around Steve's shoulders.

"That's… nice, Tony," Jessica responded, doing her best to ignore him, "Anyway, scene of the crime wins just 'cause it's ironic."

"Oh God, it's Tony's turn," Peter rubbed his temples.

"Dishfunkshinall," Tony slurred, leaning onto Steve, "Imparred, damaged, and malajoosted."

Steve sighed and grabbed the card, "Dysfunctional; impaired, damaged, and maladjusted."

"Like Tony when he's this hammered," Kurt commented.

"Pretty much."

Everyone laid down a card, and Steve gathered them up to read for Tony.

"Yay, story time," Tony muttered.

"Yeah… Canada, my past? Meat cleavers. My family, ha ha. My mind, and my refrigerator. Well… My mind has it, right Tony?"

"MJ, do you go commando in public?" Tony asked, "Didn't you think underwear was awkward?"

Steve swatted at Tony's head and handed the card to Peter, "Congrats."

Kurt leaned across the table to draw another red card, leaving his tail open to attack. Let's just say the opportunity was too good to pass up. He sighed.

"Okay, my turn," Steve muttered to himself, ignoring Kurt's predicament, "Awesome, amazing, remarkable, majestic."

"You smell yummy," Tony mumbled, "Om nom nom!"

"Tony, I need my shoulder…"

"Can I have your pants?"

Steve decided that it was best just to ignore Tony, as long as he wasn't trying to eat him or anything…

"So, we've got- Tony, stop it! - silk, reading a book…"

"Like the Kama Sutra?"

"No, Tony… As I was saying, trampolines… being in love, ha! My f- no, I need my clothes, Tony- my future…"

"In bed!" Tony giggled… really disturbing, that.

"And spam. Spam wins. Tony, you're going to bed."

"Oooh, I like that idea," Tony said, wrapping his arms around Steve's waist.

"No. _You're _going to bed. _Alone_," Steve stood up and helped Tony up. Unfortunately, Tony wasn't able to walk on his own, so Steve had to practically drag him to his room.

"That's not alone!" Jessica shouted after them.

"Your face isn't alone!" Tony shouted, stumbling.

Steve came back awhile later and sat back down, "Well, Tony passed out, so I guess the game's over… I guess…"

MJ nodded, "It's late, anyway. Let's see who won. I have two green cards."

"Tony had four and I only have one," Steve said, setting down the cards.

Kurt put his down, "I got four as well."

"Three," Logan growled.

"And my tail!"

"You know you like it."

Kurt sulked, thanking God for blue fur once more… Though everyone noticed him shudder as Logan presumably did something to said tail.

"Okay…" Jessica said slowly, "I have one, too. A card, that is. Not a tail."

Everyone, excluding Kurt and Logan, looked at Peter, "I got five."

"Whoa, you actually won?" Jessica asked.

"Yeah, but at the cost of my sanity!" Peter retorted.

"Eh, you don't need that anyway," Jessica stood up, "I'm off to bed. Night, all." She walked out of the living room.

MJ stood up, pulling Peter with her, "Let's go, darling. A good night's sleep will make you feel better."

"I doubt I'll get any sleep tonight," Peter muttered, "My pedo senses just went supernova…"

Steve turned to Kurt and Logan, "So, are you two staying?"

"Nah, it's okay. Gotta finish my beer."

"Okay. I'll see you later, then. Night," Steve wandered off towards Tony's room.


End file.
